


Interspecies Marriage

by hinamatsuri



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, crackfic, roomba - Freeform, save the minors, the adults are drunk af, yamato marries musashi, you heard that right
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-02-22 21:48:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23634223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hinamatsuri/pseuds/hinamatsuri
Summary: With the help of a dozen or more cans of beer, Yamato could finally achieve his drunken dreams of love.
Relationships: Musashi & Nikaidou Yamato
Comments: 6
Kudos: 28





	Interspecies Marriage

It was the night of IDOLiSH7’s second album release, and with such a big step for the young group, everyone agreed to throwing a small party to celebrate their accomplishment. Well, the party itself was much more bigger than they had imagined, seeing as how they invited TRIGGER, meaning the addition of two more adults (and one very ticked off and bratty child who just wants to go home, although his brocon mind begged to differ after seeing the little ray of sunshine who was his so-called brother smiling like an angel) in the room, which didn’t quite exactly stay sober, in more than one way.

As everyone knew it, the adults were a rather fascinating group of men, even more fascinating when drunk. Of course, it was just their usual acts, minus the eldest member of TRIGGER, Tsunashi Ryuunosuke, who was passed the fuck out on the couch for about an hour after acting like a maniacal, Okinawan “Ero-Ero Beast”.

As Yotsuba Tamaki roped the minors into playing Shiritori, and the adults were busy being the drunken idiots they are, Nikaido Yamato sprawled his way into his room, quite jealous of how close Izumi Mitsuki and Yaotome Gaku were acting and Osaka Sougo getting all clingy against his Taa-kun. Even Ryuu was smiling and blushing in his sleep, really breaking off his sexy image as drool ran down the couch.

The old man flopped himself down onto the floor, cheeks heavily flushed red as he watched his robotic cleaning companion, Musashi, pilot itself across the room, spinning in tiny circles in front of Yamato.

“Nee, Musashi,” Yamato moaned, reaching out to the Roomba. No answer.

“What is love? Mitsu and Yaotome sure seem to be getting it on...” That was a lie, they were only messing around with the karaoke machine. No parts going into anyone’s holes.

No other peep from the robot except for a swift turn as it nearly reached the wall.

“Man~ I just want someone to look at me the way Ichi looks at Riku when he sings.”

The Roomba moved towards the man.

“Yeah, you get me, Musashi...you really are the one for me...” He smiled drunkenly, petting the machine as it bumped into his leg.

Another moment of silence passed before Yamato resumed. “We should get married, Musashi, you really are my one and only...let’s make the wedding right now!” He sprang up, causing the Roomba to stir backwards.

He was gonna do it. He will make a public announcement to all 8 conscious members about his planned marriage! Oh how they would congratulate him, and get so jealous over how hot his metallic fiancé was.

How many cans of beer did he have just before? Seven? Seventeen? He had lost track.

“Oi! Everyone! Listen up!” The IDOLiSH7 leader yelled from across the hallway as he walked towards the party.

“OH! Yamato! You missed a thrilling game of—“

“Yeah, yeah that’s great Nagi, anyways! Musashi and I are gonna get married!”

A long pause of silence.

“...Are you not excited for Onii-san’s marriage?” Yamato sighed to break the intimidating aura.

“Huh?! And you didn’t ask me to be best man?!” A newer voice, that of Mitsuki’s, groaned loudly with his fists clenched, followed by a howl of laughter from Gaku. “PffffHAHAHA! I can’t believe the fucking Roomba loves you back!” He retorted, not minding to question why they’re “getting married” in the first place.

“Shut up, Yaotome! You don’t deserve to be Musashi’s best man!” Yamato grumbled.

“It’s not like I wanted to in the first place you dumbass.”

While the adults bickered over planning the wedding, the minors—well—let’s just say they might never want to drink in the future after this.

“And this is exactly why I insisted on going home.” TRIGGER’s centre, Kujou Tenn, sighed.

“I-Isn’t Musashi Yamato-san’s...cleaning robot...?” Nanase Riku mumbled, innocence in his tone.

“Unfortunately so.” Izumi Iori answered, ticked off at the pure chaos. “This is why I shall never drink. How many cans did they even have?!”

“Wait,” Tamaki paused as he tried to process what was going on while a drunk Sougo clung onto him merrily, not minding at all of the catastrophe about to be caused by Yamato. Suddenly, stars formed in the high-schooler’s eyes. “If Yama-san can marry his Roomba, does that mean I can marry King Pudding?!”

“Yotsuba-sa-“ Iori tried to protest, but didn’t even bother as soon as the apparent “groom” waddled up to the bundle of minors.

“OH! Yamato! Congrats on the engagement~” Nagi cooed, not exactly affected by any of this. After all, being surrounded by a drunk and horny megane and a 21-year-old who looks like a wild hamster as they were in a unit together, the blond was most certainly experienced in dealing with these problematic adults. So of course, he decided to play along with the old man’s antics.

“Wow, at least Nagi cares. You guys sure don’t seem to feel happy for Onii-san.” Yamato sighed, holding an empty, cold beer can up to his forehead.

Before any of the dumbfounded minors could even process that sentence, Yamato continued to spout bullshit.

“Nagi, you’re the priest. Ichi can be Musashi’s best man, Kujou is flower girl and Tama is irrelevant with Sou so they’re the audience.”

“OKAY FUCK YOUR WEDDING!” Tamaki yelled as a response to his assigned role, followed by an incoherent mumble from Sougo, not really making any sense as usual.

“I do not condone being the ‘best man’ of a robot???” Iori added on with his retort.

“Hey a FLOWER GIRL?” Tenn retorted next.

“You look like a girl?” Yamato responded.

As tick marks formed on Tenn’s face just like that of an anime character (wait, he is one), his refusal to go home was enlightened by the sunshine child, Riku, himself.

“Tenn-nii isn’t a girl!! He’s the most manliest person I’ve ever met! And an angel too!!” Riku pouted.

The older twin slightly blushes, knowing himself that he really isn’t that manly, but he was glad to see Riku still love and appreciate him, even after what happened.

But this isn’t a sad Nanase Twins story.

Shortly after an abundant amount of complaints from the only boys who had brain cells, the drunken Mitsuki began setting up the living room for the romantic wedding, not bothering to disturb Ryuu, who was still asleep, drooling on the couch.

Gaku watched him from behind the couch, admiring how cute Ryuu was, much cuter than that bratty Tenn.

“Oi, Yaotome, I thought I said you weren’t invited?” Yamato grumbled, popping up next to him and smacking him with the back of his hand sloppily.

“Fuck you? Can’t I just watch someone be cute?” Gaku aggressively mumbled back. “What are you gonna do? Put me in gay baby jail?”

“Actually yes, time for you to hit the hay!” With a discarded beer can from the coffee table, Yamato ~~yeeted that empty bitch~~ flung it towards the Trigger leader, who was shortly not phased by the impact at all, and only gave a mocking laugh.

“AHAHAHA! Did you seriously think I would be unconscious? Where’s that hot villain from the police drama huh?”

The IDOLiSH7 leader seemed to have had enough of it, physically pushing Gaku into the corner of the room until he was practically making out with the dusty wall.

“Gay baby jail time!!” Yamato yelled, walking back to the living room where the setup had just been completed.

And Gaku? That sobaman now became a sad sobaman.

——————————————————

Tamaki was seated with the drunk Sougo passed out on his lap on one of the moved couches. The wedding setup itself wasn’t as well made, but they had to make it to the best of their ability after all, for the sake of trying to get the old man to finally drop the Roomba-marrying act.

As Yamato had planned out, everyone went on their own roles. Riku was roped into being Yamato’s best man in a state of confusion, pleading in his eyes to Iori and Tenn for help. Meanwhile the other twin began walking down the “aisle” throwing bundles of tissues that resembled flowers with dead fish eyes in his looks. Mitsuki was behind him, proudly carrying the Roomba followed by Iori, who wanted to ultimately die.

As soon as everyone had settled in, Nagi began to speak.

“We are gathered here today to celebrate the wonderful marriage between our beloved Yamato and his wonderful Roomba, Musashi!!”

No one clapped.

“If there are any objections, please state them loud and clear or forever hold your silence!!”

“I object! This is stupid and I’m suffering ‘cause Sou-chan’s making my legs numb!!” Tamaki yelled.

“Objection not accepteddddd!!!” Yamato slurred.

“Yotsuba-san, please remain in silence so we can get this over with!” Iori scolded, supposedly holding a bundle of empty sake bottles that seemed to have resembled flowers.

Nagi continued, “Anyways! I have no idea how these modern marriages work so let’s get straight to vows!!”

Yamato was indeed unhesitant to blurt out a blasphemy of a speech to his robot soon-to-be husband.

It didn’t translate well amongst everyone, it was just a collection of drunken slurs about how Musashi was his “one and only” and how he’s “hot unlike Yaotome”, to which Gaku, who was distraughtly crying in the corner, cried louder.

Before he allowed Musashi to produce a string of mechanical whirrs into a romantic speech, an unfamiliar voice interrupted the ceremony.

Well, it wasn’t unfamiliar, but it was definitely a face that didn’t agree on participating in the wedding.

“Guys...what’s going on here?” A deep voice called out.

“OH! Tsunashi-shi! You’re awake! Yamato and his beloved Roomba are having a wedding!” Nagi explained with delight.

“...What-“ Ryuu responded, a dumbfounded look as his expression. Perhaps he seemed to have sobered up after that little nap.

Meanwhile, without bothering to explain, Nagi continued on with the ceremony, speaking in a professional tone while talking about the many wonders of love, about how it had no restrictions when it came to gender or type of person. As Tamaki would say, “Nagicchi says gay rights!”

Ryuu could only watch with his mind boggled in so many tangles that he couldn’t process through to unwind, then he noticed Gaku pouting in the corner of the kitchen like any 5-year-old would do when they had a time out. As a fellow Trigger member, he ignored the ceremony in front of him and turned around to calm his drunk 22-year-old friend down.

While he dealt with the pesky shenanigans of his groupmate, the ceremony felt like almost only a second passed when it was finally time for the grand finale.

“Yamato, do you take Musashi to be your lawfully wedded cleaning robot?” Nagi began, watching Iori grimacing over such a dreadful sight within his peripheral vision.

The drunken leader smiled, determination sparkling in his eyes. “I do!”

“And Musashi, do you take our dear Yamato to be your lawfully wedded human husband?”

The roomba whirred lovingly.

“You may now kiss the Roomba!” Nagi declared.

The following sight after such declaration was a sight that none of the working-brained minors ever wanted to see ever again.

And thus, the magnificent wedding came to an end. Everyone cried, both tears of happiness and sadness, and Gaku got out of gay baby jail successfully.

——————————————————

“No way.”

Yamato, currently sober and sitting on the blue sofa of the main room, was uttered the most shocking words of his Onii-san lifetime to him.

“It’s true! And then you were all like, ‘Musashi, I love you~!’ and started hugging him until you fell asleep!” Riku vividly explained, hand gestures following his words.

“Lies...those are all lies.” Yamato demanded breathlessly.

“Hey, Yama-san, what’s a ‘gay baby jail’?” Tamaki asked cluelessly.

And so. the elder one began to fall into living hell, forever regretting that night, and vowed to never touch another beer can ever again.

He declared to himself, as he opened a cold can of beer on his bed. He could heard that damned Roomba whirring around in his room.

Yamato watched it from afar.

Feelings for a vacuum cleaner? Not a chance.

**Author's Note:**

> i’m sorry you had to lay your eyes on such cursed material 😔  
> lmao i actually started this fanfic in 2018 but never had the chance to finish it, but i now i did! am i proud of this? well, i’m certainly CONFLICTED
> 
> follow me on twitter @kaiketsuriku


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